Horatio writes: This blog is all about the details. And so we were delighted to receive this paean to methodology from Martin in New Jersey. If you developed similar unorthodox tactics like Shawn Marion at the free-throw line, this is the place to send them.
I was a self-taught onanist. My method was effective, but as I have since learned, rare. I would make a right angle with the thumb and forefinger of each hand and connect them to make a diamond. I would then insert my cock into aforementioned diamond and work it up and down the length to get the party started. And this was the only way I could get the equipment to work. Even when I learned of more common one handed methods in seventh grade. The diamond was my signature move. I would go to bed at eleven p.m. precisely, prop myself up on my sham, put on my Sony FM Walkman, and with headphones clamped on tight, tune into WYNY for Dr. Ruth's late night Sexually Speaking and let my wankfest begin.