Looking good, Billy Ray! Feeling Good, Louis!

One of the central challenges I faced when I learned how to do the act was to work out what to focus on over the six or seven minutes it took to get the job done. In those days, I had seen very few breasts. In fact I had a working knowledge of just two pairs: my mother's, which were like any mother's -- functional and instructional. And a those displayed by an African American extra during a party scene in the first video I ever rented, the magnificent Trading Places. The actress was a woman of wonder who lifted her arms above her head while dancing to Sylvester's Do You Wanna Funk? enabling a pair of small black breasts to slide clean out of her sequined silver boob tube. Jamie Lee Curtis may have also flopped them out in the film -- several times in fact -- but the party scene was the one I loved. It was less the breasts, and more the actress's nonchalant demeanor that thrilled me. I sat up into the early morning, astonished and excited by her blasé attitude and total lack of shame, rewinding the delicious moment over and over until the videotape began to crackle.