Monday, February 18, 2008

President's Day, Masturbation, and a Gold Starr

It seems like just yesterday that good old Bill was in the Oval Office and sweet, cherubic Monica was on her knees. And yet, here we are, almost ten years later and masturbation is no more accepted, and no less popular, today as it was then. According to Mr. Ken Starr's meticulous report:

25. Id. at 17. After the sexual encounter, she saw the President masturbate in the bathroom near the sink. Id. at 18.

Good for Bill! Why shouldn't one be allowed to masturbate in the bathroom of his or her choice? And yet, it wasn't too much later that Dr. Jocelyn Elders, then surgeon general, was fired by said William for stating that "masturbation is a part of human sexuality, and it's a part of something that perhaps should be taught."

Poor Jocelyn. Poor Bill. Can you imagine if Slick Willy had access to the same porn as the kids of today? Do you think for a second he would have been caught getting hummers from a plump yiddler from Beverly Hills, when he could have been wanking off to Bang Bus in the privacy of the Lincoln Bedroom?

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