Monday, December 3, 2007

A Trip Down Mammory Lane

Horatio writes: Regular readers will be aware, we are knee-deep in an important scientific research project in the name of adding to the storehouse of knowledge. We have scattered over two dozen copies of Sports Illustrated swimsuit edition from the years 1970-1990 across the country, back in to the hands of those who once used them thrice daily to thrill their pants. As one of our masturbatory guinea pigs said upon opening their brown envelope, "Thank you for reuniting me with 1983's edition. I loved this magazine more than any real woman I have dated since. Including my wife."

Our quest was to discover what it felt like to be reunited with your lost love. Did it still do the trick in the way it once did? Or would it feel like watching Ferris Bueller again -- faintly amusing but not as emotionally satisfying as you remembered it to be? Our first results are in, and readers, we caution that this is a marathon not a sprint, but here are comments from Martin from Brooklyn who test-drove the 1989 25th anniversary edition (for lovers of trivia, the best-selling ever):

"Come again? Well, I tried to come again, I tried so hard. I wanted the magic to happen so badly. But the issue itself is a stinker, way too concerned with chronicling the SI legacy than catalyzing the lust-in-me. I was left baffled by the power that issue once held over my adolescent self. What was I thinking back then? None of the famous supermodels had any sex appeal except perhaps Rachel Hunter but maybe that is because I know for sure that she still loves to do it. I forced what I could but it yielded nothing but a flaccid feeling and a sense of curiosity about how long to keep trying before giving up. What a sham. I huffed and I puffed, but then had to shuffle off from the bathroom to my office with my pants round my ankles to the loving embrace and the targeted efficiency of my 15 second clips on I am so pathetically, predictably digital."

We have four copies left, so if any readers want to participate in this important medical experiment, drop us a line. We would love to hear from you.

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